Life of a Loner
Once a successful entrepreneur at the age of 27, this woman seemed to have it all. However, beneath her online persona, she lived a lonely existence. The roots of her solitude could be traced back to her childhood, where she struggled to form meaningful connections. As she grew older, the pressure to maintain her professional image consumed her, leaving no room for personal relationships. Over time, she found solace in her own company and embraced solitude as a way to find inner peace. Through her blog, she shared her journey of self-discovery, encouraging others to embrace their own solitude as a means of self-reflection and growth. Despite remaining a loner, she discovered a profound sense of fulfillment in her ability to connect with others through her writing, finding solace in the silent moments of her life.
This is me! My story, that began in 1996, the year I was born. I was born into a middle-class family where virtues and morals were way above relationships. My strict parents ensured that they have instilled discipline, selflessness, abiding by the rules of family and good education. I did believe discipline and education is crucial, however, contrary to what I was taught, I didn’t obsess over these things. Unfortunately, my so-called relatives or extended family did not believe in peace. I was bullied by my cousins, to a point that made me quite uncomfortable. When I conveyed the same to my parents, my idealistic parents preached about how a beautiful family must include humour and definitely it was my fault to have judged them wrongly. Their obsession over being a perfectionist started taking over my self-confidence, eventually getting sidelined as I was considered a menace within my own people. That made me lonely most of the times and gradually I started making excuses to avoid family gatherings. This part of me gradually became my personality and the whole universe conspired in bringing such people into my life who were nothing but bullies. To avoid getting into unpleasant situations, I started avoiding conversation with peers. Literally failed to have even one friend that I could rely on! Of all the bad things, I had only one solace – books. Imagine the plight of a child whose only escape was to study. I was never a good student, I became one when I started finding solace in that method of escape, eventually becoming a bright student. What did it get me? An escape from family drama!
Instead of discipline and self-confidence, fear of failure caught me in a tough spot. I started getting obsessed about proving my worth, obsessed to a point that at the age of seventeen, when girls of my age started writing love letters, I was writing my business idea. I knew I was without support and my ideas were considered random and a failure. Infact, many a times became a reason for mockery. But that didn’t stop me. I had an urge to prove a point. Truth to be told, most of my ideas indeed failed, except when I created online tutorials for competitive exams. To my surprise, when most of ideas on startups didn’t strike a deal, my videos on mathematics tips and tricks for quick calculations gathered likes from all over India. Eventually I created a channel for publishing similar content for programming language, communication skills and presentation skills. Years later, my self-worth is restored. That feeling of being an achiever makes me happy. Yet I have lost a vital portion of life into negativity. That negativity, which took away my self-confidence, made me an overachiever, and also took away my precious childhood. I am a specialized overthinker now, if there exists such concept. All thanks to my parents’ obsession about one happy family!
Growing up, I always felt like a loner. I was never comfortable in large social settings. While others were busy making friends and forming connections, I found solace in my own company. It wasn't that I disliked people; I just found it difficult to relate and connect with them on a deeper level. Instead, I immersed myself in books, finding solace and companionship within these realms. Being a loner allowed me to explore my own thoughts and delve into the depths of my imagination. All these years I had never found a friend or a partner. I failed I having one person whom I could make my confidant. Call it a failure of my abilities or harsh circumstances that enforced trust issues within me. I am dealing with unexplainable, imaginary pain of separation and a fear of not being acceptable. Don’t really know whether I should celebrate my success or lament over my failed relationships.
Growing up can be challenging, but for some, it is even more difficult when surrounded by mean and arrogant relatives. In this story, we delve into a childhood marked by constant disrespect and unkindness from family members. The protagonist, a young child, faces daily struggles to find love and acceptance within their own home. Whether it's enduring harsh criticism or enduring belittling comments, this child's self-esteem is continuously undermined. However, amidst the darkness, the child finds solace in their own resilience and determination to rise above the negativity.
Dear readers, be sure to be parents to your child and don’t ruin their childhood in the quest of achieving perfectionism. Sometimes things that look normal may be raising waves of intense emotions that can be cleverly hidden within a smile.